5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Son, by Vicki Courtney

It seems that I've been reading a bit on parenting books lately.  I consider this a reflection on what I'm lacking...and seeking.

With this in mind, I can certainly say that some books are more beneficial than others.  5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Son has many chapters, but is divided into five sections, or conversations.  You can see how practical this book is from the conversation titles.

• Don't define manhood by the culture's wimpy standards.  It's OK to be a man!
• What you don't learn to conquer may become your master.
• Not everyone's doing it!  (And other naked truths about sex you won't hear in the locker room.)
• Boyhood is only for a season.  P.S. It's time to grow up!
• Godly men are in short supply.  Dare to become one!

Throughout the chapters, author and speaker Vicki Courtney elaborates upon each conversation, often taking a look at what a conversation might look like at different ages.  

I appreciate that Courtney seems to keep the readers' mind on the big picture.  It's not necessarily about the behavior, but about the heart of the child and their relationship with God.

"Our priority should not be simply to teach our sons self-control but first and foremost reveal to them the grace of God."

"While I hope my sons' primary motivation for saving sex until marriage is rooted in a desire to please God, should they get off track spiritually, I want to make sure I have given them plenty of other reasons to save sex until they are married." 

"A conversation about saving sex for marriage is not nearly as important as a conversation about Christ's saving man from his sins."  

And on the topic of sex, Courtney also addresses the fact that some sons will already be sexually active, and some unrepentant.  She also discusses the fact that Christian boys have the same hormones within them as their non-Christian friends.

When Vicki Courtney addresses men in their twenties (and older) who still live with mom and dad, she calls them Peter Pan...you know, the boy who never grows up.  Though I agree with much of what she writes in these chapters, I still felt that she was, at times, a bit harsh.  The goal is to launch our young men from boyhood to manhood before they leave home.  I do like that she considers ages 2-14 a prelaunch phase, where the boys are guided in learning basic life skills.  The test launch is from ages 14-18.  This is the time for painful and real consequences and more independence and not the time for parents rescuing their child for the poor decisions.  The final launch phase is from 18-22.  It's at this time that the man should become fully independent and responsible as a member of society.  As mothers, it does feel good to be needed, but it is important to remember that we are to guide them into adulthood and equip them with tools and knowledge needed to be a man on their own.

Though the summary on the back of the book indicates "...Courtney helps moms and dads pinpoint and prepare the discussions..." it is only moms that are actually addressed in the book except at the end of each chapter where there is a Dad 2 Dad thought.  I do not think it should be isolated to only one parent though she does explain a bit of her reasoning (with moms without a godly husband also in mind) later in the book.

Overall, I thought 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Son was a beneficial book to read.  The final chapter was titled Godliness Over Goodness, and I think that idea sums up much of the book's focus.  I appreciated the honesty and grace in which Courtney wrote.  Though she included personal examples, it didn't feel like a memoir, and much does seem applicable to the general parent of sons.

This book was provided for an honest review by PR by the Book.

Nap Time Play Date

Upon entering this scene, I said, "This doesn't look like nap time."

My five year old responded, "It's a rest time-play date!"

They were loving Little Golden Books that were kept in a lovely, old suitcase at Grandma and Grandpa's.  M was reading to her brother. What's a mom to do?

Can someone please explain to me how it is that my kids get along so perfectly during-but only during-nap times??

Raising Real Men

I hope he always loves and adores his sister...and one day will be her protector!

Though I only have two daughters and only one son, I want to be purposeful in understanding the way his mind works and the differences between boys and girls.  I was never a boy, so I need help with this-obviously!  Of course, my husband can help, but I recently read the book Raising Real Men to help a bit, too.

Authors Hal and Melanie Young are the parents to six boys and two girls, so they do know a bit about raising boys.  Raising Real Men: Surviving, Teaching and Appreciating Boys focuses on bringing up sons to be godly men despite the culture around us and even some of our own limitations and expectations.  The Youngs do not focus on just one age; instead they talk about boys as toddlers to young men.  Raising Real Men is an easy to read book, and the Youngs write in a comfortable style.  

The book discusses what God's word says about many things that we, as parents, really do have questions about.  It helps prepare us for what is to come-for those of us who still have young boys-and still gives us plenty to think about in the present, as well.

Some topics discussed are responsibility, leadership, competition, money, manners, chores, sexual temptation, and college.  I liked the variety in topics and thought the Youngs found ways to share from their personal experience and the Bible in a personal way.  I found that MUCH of what they were saying would benefit our sons would absolutely benefit our daughters, too, to be a child, teen, or adult who intentionally serves and honors God.

Early in the book, manly virtues are discussed.  I was told before I married my husband that some of his characteristics that I respect and admire the most would likely be the ones to drive me crazy one day.  (Umm...yes, that is often true.)  In the same way, some of the characteristics in boys that might drive us crazy like competitiveness, aggression, and a need for adventure grow into admirable virtues in men of persistence and courage.  The pursuit of adventure is not to be risky or foolish though.  Like any one of us, we can use our lives (and skills) in vain, or we can use our lives to further God's good and make Him known.  

Like with any parenting book, the reader isn't likely to agree with all that is written.  I understand and know that children, and especially boys are often hyperactive.  (In my experience my oldest daughter has always been a thrill-seeker and has the need to get outside to get her energy out.  But that is beside the point.)  As a former elementary school teacher, I understand that our typical school system is not ideal for most boys.  However, I was rather appalled at a statement within the chapter "Your Own School for Boys."  

"We're convinced if our sons were in school [not homeschooled],they'd be on so many pills they'd rattle when they walked."  

Yes, ADHD may be over-diagnosed and over-medicated (verses trying environmental helps first), but that does not mean it does not exist.  The statement above seems to blame schools and teachers for the children's diagnoses.  From my own experience it is parents who seek treatment, though at times at the suggestion of a teacher.  It is up to the parent to find a treatment plan with which they are comfortable.  If a parent doesn't want an official diagnosis or any treatment it is up to them!  However, a teacher has the responsibility (in the interest of the student) to point out a child's outward behavior that may (or may not) be related to near-sightedness.   It's still up to the parent to seek out medical advice either way!

I really appreciated the chapter about children "bearing arms."  You know...playing with guns.   (It made me think of Dobson's book Bringing Up Girls that made me begin telling my daughter she is beautiful, while focusing on the heart.  Linked to my review.)   At Halloween this year we never even asked our son who just turned 3 what he wanted his costume to be.  We figured we would use our available props/costumes to be a firefighter, football player, or baseball player.  It never dawned on us he would have an opinion, but he really wanted to be a knight.  As it turns out, he will get the Armor of God costume for Christmas, so next year he can be a knight.  I'm not sure he was thinking of protecting his family, but maybe!  This year he was content to be a baseball player.  Phew.  If our son desires to be in a profession where he needs to carry a gun, I don't want him to feel like he would be dishonoring his parents because we said all guns are bad.  (I also want to mention that they did note that not all Christian denominations agree with bearing arms.)

Hal and Melanie Young homeschool their children.  I am pretty sure that at least a quarter or a third of the book is related to homeschooling in one way or another.  By drawing on others' experience (since it is not in their own) could really make this book friendlier to a broader audience. 


Overall, I enjoyed this book.  I have Bringing Up Boys.  I suspect it is a research and life based book without the homeschool slant.  However, I think Raising Real Men was still beneficial read.  If you are a homeschool family with a son, I would definitely recommend it.

As a member of Timberdoodle's Blogger Review Team I received a free copy of Raising Real Men in exchange for a frank and unbiased review.  You might be interested in their parenting helps or their free homeschool catalog that is for anyone!

Keeping It Simple

We tend to have low-key birthdays around here.  As of now, the children haven't truly had a birthday party where they invite friends, though last year when we were visiting family in October (the month of both M and E's birthdays...and likely this baby's, too) so we had a big family party at a local park.

This year was especially low-key since no grandparents were with us to celebrate M's fifth birthday.  It was the four of us.  Being two days from my due date (kind of like when E was due on M's birthday...but that year we had company for her birthday) I needed to keep things simple.

For decorations, we made a balloon banner.  

 I simply took a threaded needle through the tips of the balloons.

(Not our first balloon banner, but I love the simplicity of this one!  Inspired from here.)

Above M's seat at the kitchen table, we also hung some balloons.  In the past, we've always tied helium balloons to the birthday child's seat...but I love how this looks.

 M was able to choose her own birthday dinner.  Funny, I don't think she has a clue that some people eat McDonald's when they are not traveling.  Had she, though, we would have done it.  Notice that it is meatless. Chocolate milk is our birthday drink of choice around here.  Posting the menu in the kitchen was a big hit.

 I made her cake.  It wasn't pretty (mine never are), but she loved it.  It had a heart with a "5" in the center.

Our gifts were also simple, but she loved them.  

I can't believe she is five years old!  E will have his own turn for a celebration very soon!  It will be much the same as M's, though we'll likely have at least some family around if the baby has been born.

My husband and I were very grateful that we were able to be home (and not at the hospital having baby #3) to celebrate the big occasion!  

Get Wisdom!

Get Wisdom!: 23 Lessons for Children about Living for Jesus is written by Ruth Younts for children from kindergarten to fourth grade.  It is a really good resource for children and their parents (or teachers in a Christian school) to teach basic principles of biblical wisdom and godly character.  

Each lesson is just two pages long for children and focuses on a different bit of wisdom that we would want our children to do.  It begins with listening and obeying, but includes character traits like humility and courage, as well.  A simple (but meaningful) definition is given along with a Bible verse and colored illustration on one page.  The other page gives a couple examples of the character trait and leaves plenty of space for the child to write additional examples, workbook-style.  It ends with a prayer and a personal application.  BUT that's not all!  In the back of the book, there are parent/teacher pages!  Each lesson has an opening activity, discussion suggestions, and role play game suggestions.  In addition to the Bible verse included in the child's pages, another verse (not just reference) is included, too.  Sounds easy, huh?  

Now, I have to admit that I only completed the first lesson with my daughter (nearly five).  I quickly decided that I wanted to hold off another year before using this book with her to reap the full benefits of Get Wisdom.  (Keep in mind though she is nearly five, she is still in preschool.)  However, I think it is a very good resource for parents.  Want to see more?  You can see the introduction and two complete lessons here.  Go! Look for yourself!  Then buy it!

I really appreciate Shepherd Press sending me a copy of Get Wisdom!  I'm not the only one who likes this book...at Bible study last week a woman gave a copy to a mom who greatly appreciated it.  (And just an FYI, Shepherd Press are publishers of great books like Shepherding a Child's Heart and "Don't Make Me Count to Three!"-linked to my review- are parenting books filled with great wisdom.) 

"Don't Make Me Count to Three!" Giveaway

If you have been in Christian parenting circles, you have probably heard about Tedd Tripp's books Shepherding a Child's Heart  and Instructing a Child's Heart.  I highly recommend both books (and reviewed IaCH here.) because they really help a parent to understand the need for biblical discipline to be focused on the heart NOT the outward behavior.

Tedd Tripp's books were really good...they definitely made me think.  BUT for this momma, neither book really gave me the examples I needed to really be able to implement heart-oriented discipline for my young children.   In their defense, that was not the purpose of either book.  Ginger Plowman answered that concern in "Don't Make Me Count to Three!": A Mom's Look at Heart-Oriented Discipline.

If you find that you count misbehavior and are put off by the title of this book, "Don't Make Me Count to Three!", let me encourage you to still read it.  The idea is that the statement "Don't make me count to three!" and many other similar statements have the parent avoiding discipline, she doesn't say that that counting behavior is wrong.  But threats...not effective. 

Honestly, I thought this book was exactly what I needed!  Ginger Plowman's book reads very quickly, yet filled with what I needed to read to better understand disciplining in better way that would honor God.

" It is my calling, my priority, my struggle, and my goal.  

I will rise to the occasion and accept the task at hand.

  I will love, nurture, and train my children the way that 

God has called me to do." ~ page 21

Plowman really helped me, through examples and discussion, to better understand (oh, not perfectly!) how to get to the cause of the behavior.  You know, the heart of the matter.

One thing that I have been able to somewhat easily implement (though, oh, I need some more work in this) is to have my children (especially my daughter who is nearly 5, though a bit harder with nearly 3 son) go back and do the correct thing...you know, show love, obey, use a different tone...I help them with the words if they don't know it.  Then they do it.  You know...like role play or practice so that the next time they might make a better choice.

Throughout the book examples of dialogue...and even mistakes parents can make...are shared in a way that parents can utilize.  

Despite the controversy of spanking, I appreciated Plowman's distinction between childish behavior and foolish behavior.  She explains that childish behavior becomes foolishness when a child understands the clear instructions that have been given, and yet still chooses to disobey.  In her opinion, and I personally agree, direct disobedience and defiant attitudes need to be disciplined.  And she would say that the "rod" (spanking) is the means of this discipline.  She then gives many thought-out guidelines for biblical chastisement.  Oh, this is hard!    I've heard some of them before, but seeing them all together was very good for me.   

My overall thoughts on "Don't Make Me Count to Three!" are very positive.  I highly recommend it, and quite honestly, I think it is a book I need to revisit at least once a year for the next many years.  Ginger Plowman suggests that we are not to control our children's behavior, but to understand their hearts.  As we discipline them, their hearts can change...and eventually there will be outward changes in their behavior, too.

Tough stuff, huh?  Well, parenting is not for wimps.  (And I mean all of it, not just discipline...it truly is tough stuff...I began saying that after our first life-threatening situation with our children.)

GIVEAWAY (Be sure to check out all of our giveaways this week!!  There are more!)

Shepherd Press provided "Don't Make Me Count to Three!" AND they want to provide one Live, Learn, Love reader (who resides in the US) with a copy, too!  

• To enter, just leave a comment below!  Be sure that I have a way to contact you through email.
• Giveaway will run through Tuesday, October 11th.

Extra Entries~ Leave a separate comment for each!

• Follow LLL through Facebook or Google Friends Connect.
• Share about this (or any of this week's) giveaways through Facebook, Twitter...
• Visit Shepherd Press and tell me another book you'd love to have for yourself.

Winner is #12, Mozi Esme!  Congratulations!

A Lesson for Me: Tea Party

We had never had a real tea party.  With real dishes.  

(I have never even been to a tea party or been served tea formally...any pointers for me??) 

My daughter was having a rough morning with a lack of self-control.

Typically, I would only do something as special as a tea party as a reward or as part of our day.  Definitely not in the middle of a rough day!  Thankfully God was working on me.  

In the middle of a heat wave, we needed something different, but indoors.  This was perfect!

AND it helped change ALL of our attitudes.

A simple snack of ♥-shaped bread, Fig Newtons, and chocolate chips, served with warm tea was a refreshing way to remember that God gives me so much more than I ever deserve, and my children deserve the same grace.

Though my son enjoyed the food, this tea party was really for M.  It was a bit of a struggle for me.  I prepared the tea party while M spent some time recovering from yet-another-incident in her room.  Not ideal.

She enjoyed every little bit of it, including using proper manners.  She arrived at the table with her own idea of a tea party.  She spoke in a high voice.  On her own she called me Mrs. W and Miss Annette, as she knows other children call me because she desired it to be a formal time!

It was just what we needed to to restart our day.  What do yo do when you are at wit's end?  (I don't create special moments like this daily...nor do I always extend the grace that my daughter may need.  This was one day...quite a while ago.  It was good for me to write about it and remember the good that came from me changing my MO.)

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
~ Proverbs 15:1


Oh, I need to keep that nugget of God's wisdom close to my heart and lips!

Instructing a Child's Heart, by Tedd Tripp (Giveaway)

In my Friday morning Bible study this year, we read Instructing a Child's Heart.  (A few years ago we read and studied Shepherding a Child's Heart...it was also excellent.)

Both books are amazing, and the focus is on teaching our children truth, not just controlling and limiting unwanted behavior.  We are to direct them and teach them (and their hearts) God's ways.  It is solid, biblical teaching.

These paragraphs from chapter 13 Instructing a Child's Heart are convicting for this mom, but it's important that I do not let conviction and guilt stop me from doing all I can do to be a godly mom.  I can still strive toward the goal of teaching my children God's ways so that they can make the choice to follow Him.  I feel that it is a terrific summary of the entire book.

"We don't shepherd our children to assure that our children will 'turn out right.'  We shepherd our children to be faithful to the work God has given us.  Consequences do not serve as power plays to prove our role or power or strength or to put the kids in their place for our convenience.  They are designed by God to display the reality of God's ultimate rule in affairs of men and to extend mercy while there is time to repent and trust in God.
"Discipline is not an opportunity for us to show our children who is boss or hand out punishments that will change their behavior.  Even when our consequences are appropriate and underscore God's truth and our standards, discipline is primarily an opportunity to remind our children of their need to repent and believe in Christ, and forgiveness and provision available from God through Christ.  We are really declaring God's sovereignty and involvement with all he has created, offering relationship with God through Christ.  Show them the beauty and goodness of confession to God and others, and warn them of the coming judgment for unbelief." ~Chapter 13, IaCH


If that speaks to your heart, and you desire to be a godly parent, consider either of these books (or the DVD seminar series...great for a group study) by Tedd Tripp.  (In my opinion, IaCH has more application, but you may want to begin with SaCH.  I'm glad I did.  Both are invaluable resources for this mom.  I seriously need to read SaCH again now that my daughter is not a toddler.)  These books are invaluable resources, and I highly recommend them.  For those of you who like audio books, like me, they are available in audio, too!  Great for listening to as a couple!


Though both of these books were my own copies, but I am excited to tell you that Shepherding Press is offering a copy of either Shepherding a Child's Heart OR Instructing a Child's Heart for one Live, Learn, Love reader.  If you are not a parent, but know a mom or dad that desires to bring their child up in a godly way, do enter anyway and share this great resource!  


Giveaway
To Enter: Check out both Instructing a Child's Heart and Shepherding a Child's Heart and tell me which book you would prefer if you win.  Be sure that I have a way to contact you through your Blogger profile, or just leave an email address in your comment!  Giveaway is open for US residents.


Extra Entries:
~ Follow Live, Learn, Love (through email or GFC).
~ Like Live, Learn, Love on facebook.


Giveaway goes through June 20th.  Winner will be emailed and announced in this blog post.  
Winner of the book of her choice is comment #2, Michelle!  Congratulations!

Big Incentive!

Our 4 year old has been wanting her toenails painted for a long time.  It's not something that I do much, nor do I want her to grow up too soon.

However, M got her toenails painted as an incentive for being dry three times in a row (2 naps, 1 nighttime).  

Since then, we have seen many more dry naps and even nighttime pull ups.  Yay!  (I know many would find it strange that a 4 year old would not stay dry during a nap, but her naps tend to be several hours long.  She does sometimes skip a nap, too.)

Next, if she gets a sticker for each of her toes (shown below), then she will get her own bottle of nail polish.

Encouraging the Right Behavior-Giveaway

You might remember a while ago I reviewed a little book called Honor Your Father and Mother (linked to review).  It is a collection of questions regarding behavior and appropriate verses that correspond to help children know what the Bible says about their behavior.  Of course, it's an excellent tool for parents, too.  In our family we tend to focus on one Bible verse at a time, but it won't be long before we look at multiple verses at one time to help get the bigger picture of God's desire for us.

Since then, I have had the chance to do another review for Doorposts!  AND they are offering a GIVEAWAY for you, too!

Doorposts sent me another tool for biblical character training.  It's the Put On Chart.
The Put On Chart and companion study book help remind everyone the character qualities God desires us to "put on" based on Colossians 3:12-14 (compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, forebearance, forgiveness, and love).
Not only do you you get a chart (color or black and white), the study booklet, but there are also paper dolls (boy and girl) to help your child really act it out!

The references are from the NKJV of the Bible.  I really like how Doorposts, and author Pam Forster put this together.  It is appropriate for a wide range of ages  I will say that I didn't just open it up and start using it immediately.  I wanted to take the time to read through the book and consider how I would use it.  Don't let that deter you though, this is a fabulous way to encourage these positive character traits we desire to see in our children!  Of course, as we encourage our children, we're likely to see our own need to for these exact traits.  I was really impressed with the book that came with the chart.  It's full of ways to help parents utilize the chart and the Bible.  Though I knew it was part of the package, it was more than I expected.

One great thing about Doorposts is that they allow you to see a sample of each product!  Click to see the Put On Chart sample pages.

I really like Doorposts, so I have purchased  the book For Instruction in Righteousness.  WOW!  Doorposts compiled this great resource to help parents discipline their children.  Not only does it act as a topical Bible and includes full verses, not just the references, but it also gives suggestions for discipline that parallel the biblical consequence and object lessons and parallel ideas for rewards and encouragement.

Giveaway
If you would like to win your own PUT ON CHART leave a comment below telling me something you learn at the Doorposts site (about this product or anything)!
For Additional Entries-Leave a separate comment for each entry.
Follow Live, Learn, Love. (1 entry)
Visit Doorposts and tell me one other product you think would benefit your family. (1 entry)
Make a purchase from Doorposts. (3 entries)
Blog about this week's celebration here at Live, Learn, love for 3 more entries!  (Blog once...and it counts all week!)

Giveaway ends Tuesday, October 26th at 7 pm EST.

Thank you, Doorposts, for providing the Put On Chart for review purposes.  I purchased For Instruction in Righteousness myself.

Scripture with Discipline

Several months ago I felt the need to teach my almost 4 year old Bible verses.  I am linking them in with her behavior to reinforce positive behavior and help her to understand her sin.  If you missed it, you can see how I introduced Scripture with discipline.

This time I chose a verse from James.  You might notice that it is not an actual version of the Bible, but I reworded it a bit to be better understood by my daughter.

"Whoever knows the right thing to do and doesn't do it sins." ~James 4:17

One day during naps, I wrote out the new verse on a different color of paper and hung it on the pantry door.  Upon awakening, M noticed the new verse right away.

The first few days we discussed it a lot, and she seems to understand it well.  Want to hear something funny though?  She still quotes Colossians 3:20 (the first verse we learned).  She will even go up to the new verse and run her finger under the words while saying, "Children obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."  It cracks me up!

I have noticed that with the busyness of summer, I wasn't nearly as diligent in incorporating this verse into our daily lives as I was with Colossians 3:20.  Maybe it just wasn't a good choice?  I'm don't know.  I do think it is important for young children to understand what the Bible says about sin, and not just what Mom and Dad call sin.

I'm not sure what verse we will use next, but I think I would like it to focus on God's forgiveness and love.  Any suggestions?

Behavior Cards (Please Work!)

Like most 3 year olds (almost 4!), my daughter has some behavior issues.  Despite our efforts to be firm and consistent, M seems to need external motivation.  (I am thankful that other moms seem to empathize with the fighting and meanness, but she does seem worse than some others her age.)  Some days her behavior is just too much.  Too many awful days lead me to remember some behavior modification methods that I used in my teaching days.  (I will not be using this with our son who is almost two.  I don't think it is age appropriate for him yet.)  In this post I will share what I did for using behavior cards in our home, and what I did in my classroom.

First I made a simple "traffic light," to coordinate with the three colors of cards we use.  Then I cut three rectangles (and rounded the corners to make them nicer) from green, yellow, and red card stock.  The pocket that holds the colored cards is just an off centered fold on a rectangular piece of card stock that is wider than the cards.

I wrote a little note on the traffic light and added faces to coordinate with what the cards represented with her behavior.  On the green card that represents good (or super) behavior, I added a glittery butterfly and wrote the word "Super".  (Notice when the green card is in the pocket it looks like it says "Super M."  (hehe)  I also put decorative stickers on the card holder and added M's name.  The yellow card has the word, "Okay."  I left the red card blank since I didn't want write a  negative word.

The traffic light and cards are hung on our basement door, which is able to be seen from the kitchen, kitchen table, and living room.  I keep all three colors in the pocket for daily use (until misbehavior changes the card).  I "laminated" the pocket with packaging tape to keep it sturdy.  Before the first day was through using this system, I used our laminator on the cards knowing M enjoyed handling them.

If M gets any time-out she loses a card.  After she lost her first green card, I put it behind the red card.  After a bit, I noticed the green card had magically returned, so now we put any "lost" cards on the fridge.  At some point, I would like the consequence to just be losing a card (and not the time out, too), but I don't think we are quite ready for that yet.

In my classroom I used library book renewal card holders for the card holders and labeled them with my students' names.  (In a specials classroom my friend used numbers so she could use them with every class.  She also allowed students to earn the green card back, but I won't be doing that with M...I think it would confuse her.) I used colored index cards (green, yellow, pink) for the cards.  If a child earned a yellow card in my classroom, it was a warning.  If they earned a pink card, a note was sent home to the parents.

If M keeps a green card all day long, she earns a special treat at the end of the day-candy or a sticker.  If it is yellow, nothing happens.  If it is red, she loses evening television privileges.

How have we done?
Day 1-yellow
Day 2- yellow
Day 3- green
Day 4- red
Day 5- green

Here is M enjoying her first treat.  A lollipop is highly unusual in our home.  Really candy is in general.  Then she passed it to E, and they shared it.  I thought that was sweet (and highly unusual).




I don't know if it will continue to work, but we'll  be thankful for improvements that we have seen and hope for continued self control until the external motivators are not needed to help her.

This will be linked to ABC and 123's Show and Tell for this week!

Bringing Up My Girl

Four years ago I was about to become a mom...for the first time.  That means my world, as I knew it, would changed dramatically.  At a baby shower, my mother-in-law gave us a bib embroidered with important words on it.  Warning: No instructions included!  Isn't that the scary truth?  Despite all the advice we are given and books we read, we really don't know what to expect.  We knew we were having a baby and it would be a boy or girl.  But what did that really mean?  Our firstborn is a GIRL, but we still didn't know what would be in store for us.

Well, little did we know that I would have a new phrase, "Parenthood is not for wimps."  Not because being a mom and dad was difficult, but because it broke our hearts to see our little girl of 17 days in a very life-threatening situation.  Well, our little girl is healthy now, having outgrown the SVT.  Days can still be tough though.  Now we deal with all that makes a little girl a little girl.  Each day is a blessing, but that does not mean that our days are easy!


Well, there are now some new (because we all know there are lots of books out there) instructions for parents in the form of research, life experience, and advice for parents of boys and girls in the books Bringing Up Boys and Bringing Up Girls.  Bringing Up Boys was published years ago, and finally, Dr. James Dobson has written for the fairer sex...Bringing Up Girls.


I really liked the way that Dobson wrote this book (in his typical style, if you have read any of his other books, such as The Strong-Willed Child.)  There is plenty of research to back up what he says, but he shares it in an easy to read book.  


One thing that I read over and over again is how important fathers are to their daughters and for the future of their daughters.  Dobson included information from everything from hormones to bullies.  

One thing that Bringing Up Girls helped me to understand is that it is very important for us, as the parents, to tell our daughter that she is beautiful.  In the past, I had limited saying things of this sort, despite my daughter's outward beauty.  Now I am really trying to change that, letting my little girl know she is beautiful, while making sure she knows that it is the inner beauty that truly matters.  At three years of age, I don't think it is too soon for these discussions!

Like any book on parenting, it is hard to agree with all of it.  Some readers may be surprised by this, but I disagreed with his perspective on the princess phenomenon that needs to be addressed in every home that has a  little girl in it.  First, I will say everything in moderation...but when it comes to princesses I tend to be careful, but would never ban them from our home.  Even Christian marketing seems to have jumped on this with using the phrase, "God's Little Princess."  Sorry, friends, I'm just not convinced.  Dr. Dobson didn't convince me either.


Dobson did give some credit to those who dislike all things princess, but mostly portrayed these mothers as feminists.  I did like the following that he had to say (pages 121-122).

The better approach, I believe, is to carefully scrutinize and select that which will be allowed into the lives of our children.  

Our job is to teach and itnerpret for them what they need to understand.  They will learn farm ore directily from us than from 

storybook fantasies...Ultimately, mothers will have to decide whether or not to introcude their girls to this 

and other forms of make believe.  It si my belief that the good outweighs the bad in the princess movement, 

and it is certainly better than Bratz dolls or the adolescent world of Barbie.  

So for our children, we won't be having a princess birthday party, but we still read fairy tales and even own several Cinderella books and even a dress-up doll that was a hand-me-down that is well-loved.  We just don't want it to become a focus of all of our pretend play.  Thankfully, our daughter is happy to act out Jack and the Beanstalk and David and Goliath even more than Cinderella.

Dobson brought something up that surprised me.  He suggested not to allow boys (teenagers) babysit your children due to all of their hormones.  His thought is that you can't be too cautious when it comes to protecting your children.  I'm not sure if I fully agree with that.  I have a (much) younger brother just out of his teen years that I would be happy to let my children spend time with him.  

This is definitely an excellent resource for parents with many, many valuable lessons in it.  I have asked my husband to read it next, because I think its invaluable for fathers!  This may be a Christian book, but I think just about all of the information in it could be appreciated by someone that is not a Christian.  

I don't have to agree with every word in Bringing Up Girls to highly recommennd this book to any parent of a girl...infant through college, and maybe even beyond!  This is a book worth buying, or at least borrowing just to read it.

Thank you Tyndale House Publishers for a review copy.

Dressing Kids for Outings

Tomorrow is the last day for the wall decor giveaway!  Don't forget to enter!

From just about the moment my daughter could walk, she was a "runner."  Now that she is 3 1/2, I can trust her more to stay by my side when needed...though I don't always count on it.

That means going to parks, zoos, and even playgrounds where other little children will be can be tough.  I have learned to dress my kids so that they are easy to spot in a crowd.   Bright colors or a bold, bright pattern is very helpful to spot them.

Here M is wearing a shirt with very large polka dots.

And E is wearing a bright green shirt.

Below is a picture from another outing with big flowers for M and yellow for E.

What do you do to help yourself keep track of your children in a crowd?

(And yes, my 3 year old went up and down that GIANT slide like she was a natural-born mountain climber.  The first time I went behind her...and she did it as "easily" as me.  However, if you know me personally, you probably are not surprised.  Both pictures from above were taken when we visited family in NE PA.)

Introducing Scripture with Discipline

Most parents of a 3 year old struggle with discipline.  We certainly do, despite our efforts.

It wasn't too long ago that I shared about a company called Doorposts that offers help to parents who want to have a resource for biblical character training (for children and parents).  I reviewed a book called Honor Your Father and Mother.  (See review by clicking the link).  It was this book that first motivated me to incorporate Scripture in to our praise and discipline for M's behavior.  I thought it would be best for us to stay focused on one verse at a time.  As M ages, we can explore more verses, and address specific behavior with specific verses, but for now, this works.

For a couple weeks now I have been been focusing on the verse "Children obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." Colossians 3:20.

I started with writing the verse in large print on a piece of paper.  I hung this on our pantry door.  My 3 year old noticed it right away.  I read it to her and discussed it with her.

Within a few minutes I made sure I praised her obedience and drew her attention to the verse.  I made sure she knew that her obedience makes her father and me happy, and it makes God happy.  When she disobeyed, we explained that it disappoints us and God.  It also makes us sad.

(One thing I feel that I fail to do on a daily basis is have the expectation of obedience.  M is fairly strong-willed.  We try to be consistent, and I think we don't "give in," but somehow, I still think we are very lacking.  Any suggestions?)

I do not want to use God's Word only to discipline for disobedience.  I feel it is important to use Scripture for the positive side of discipline.  I felt this was a great verse to use to begin since the cause and effect is a positive one.  Obeying pleases the Lord.

As I said, we have used this verse for a couple weeks now.   M knows the verse.  She understands the positive and the negative.  It works for us.

If you are interested in hearing the verses I select in the future for us, would you leave me a little comment today?  I don't know if this is something that comes easily for others that are interested and this is just boring...

Also, if you have some suggestions for using Bible verses to discipline, I would love to hear them!

This summer I want to re-read the book Shepherding a Child's Heart.  When I first read it, M was not old enough for me to really put it into practice, but I liked that it focused not on the behavior of the child, but on the attitude of the heart.  Because, really, the heart is the reason we do anything.  (Does anyone want to read this book along with me...I'd love to discuss it with someone!  I actually read it before as part of a moms' group, but know it will be a new read for me this time since I can put so much more into practice.)

Too Much Clutter on the Bed

Our 3 year old is a collector.  She loves to have bags, boxes, and baskets filled with little stuff.  She also loves to read.  Of course we encourage this...usually.

All of these things that she collects she also likes to have in bed.  That just won't work.  I don't want a mountain of toys and books on her bed with no room for her.  I have started a new bedtime rule.  She is allowed four items on her bed, other than her special blanket.  She has a special teddy bear that was given to her when her brother was born.  So Teddy is always a given (but a toy, so he must be counted).  Sometimes LeapFrog's My Pal Violet is included in the four items.  (E also loves his Scout, and we definitely recommend these for a one year old!)

She also has a book called Friends "written" by Sissy that she got in a special blog swap. You can meet Sissy at Academy at Thousand Oaks.  Friends often included.  She also has three other favorite books right now.  (Next week they will change.)  Interestingly, two are by Richard Scary, but only one of them is the standard "Busytown" book-Humperdink's Busy Day.  The other Scary book is his version of The Gingerbread Man.  The other favorite is Little Monsters Neighborhood.

 
Then there are the miscellaneous toys and books that find their way to the bed.  But those listed above are the ones that she has the hardest time deciding which four to include.  Teddy is always included.

How do you limit toys on the bed or don't you?  Am I crazy to do this?  I do love that M reads by herself at nap time and bed time (after we have read to her already).  I just don't want a mountain of toys...I figure if she is this bad at age 3, how awful could it get by age 5?!

Parenting Help...Review and Giveaway from Doorposts

Happy Mother's Day to you!  Here is a giveaway for you moms and dads!
As a parent I want to raise my children in the ways of the Lord.  I know the Bible talks of discipline...and I even know a few verses.  Our parenting problem is knowing specific verses to address specific behavior problems.  Here's a resource that is helping me with this very problem!


Doorposts is a publisher that provides unique materials for parents to assist in Bible-based parenting and character training.  One of my favorite things at Doorposts is the sample PDF pages for each of the products available.  It really lets you know what to expect before purchasing a parenting product!


I had the opportunity to review one of their products, and I chose Honor Your Father and Mother:The Fifth Commandment for Little Ones.  This book asks children questions regarding honoring their parents and helps the children understand the appropriate response that would honor their parents by including a quoted verse in response.  My daughter just loves the reproducible drawings, especially where the children are being "naughty."  Many of the verses are beyond her (age 3 1/2), though Doorposts suggests the book is age appropriate for ages 2-12.  My intention is to focus on just one appropriate question/verse at a time, introducing the question and verse when my daughter is not in need of any behavior corrections.   The author, Pam Foster, uses a variety of Bible versions for the verses included in the book.  Another great thing is that Honor Your Father and Mother has an index of all the questions divided into categories.


This is a straightforward book.  It's simple and sweet with the question to the child/answer from Scripture format.  It doesn't give any additional parenting advice.  It allows the parents to find appropriate Scripture regarding parenting all in one place.   You can view the first few pages yourself, including the introductory letters to parents and children here, to really see what the book is like!


Doorposts offers many great products, and I am very pleased with Honor Your Father and Mother, but the one I really want and has been highly recommended by a friend from my church (and mom to three boys) is the For Instruction in Righteousness.  This parenting book includes Bible verses, object lessons, biblical stories that address different sin issues, and much more.


Doorposts is offering one reader one of their products!
To Win:
Take a good look at the following products and leave a comment telling me which of these four items you think you would like the most.  (Don't forget to look at the example PDF's or HTML samples!)  Be sure I have a way to contact you (through a blog profile or an email address).  These are all great products, so check them out!
Honor Your Father and Mother 
The Put On Chart
A Checklist For Parents
If Then Chart
Extra Entries: Leave a separate comment for each additional entry.
Visit Doorposts and tell me another product you would like to have. (1 entry)
Tell me a verse that helps you in your parenting. (1 entry)
Follow my blogs with Google Friend.  (1 entry each)


Giveaway ends Saturday, May 15th, at 7 pm (EST).  Winner will be chosen by random.org.

Green Baby Wipes (Guest Post)

Meet Shirley!  She has a book blog called Surely Words: A Christian Book Review.  She also does a bit writing on her own, and she recently shared with me her article about making your own washable baby wipes!  No more wipes or paper towels!  And now I get to share Shirley's article with you.  Here it is.  Enjoy!


Baby Wipes Are Going Green


In an economy infused with innovations that save money, reduce waste, and monitor environmental impact, the Earth movement has its green thumbs in everything. From natural food, toothpaste, and vitamins to recycled clothes, little has remained untouched by our planet conscious culture. Excitedly, the movement has expanded once again as green parents rebel against baby waste. How? Disposable diapers are history and money saving cloth diapers are back in action. Along with cloth diapers, another popular sidekick has emerged. Home made wipes are the newest green baby innovation. Inexpensive, customizable and Earth conscious, home made wipes are becoming a staple of green parents.


Recipes for the wipes are boundless and usually include baby wash and half a roll of paper towels, but the one below even eliminates paper towel waste. Also in the one below is a secret ingredient that can find a use in every part of baby's life. Begin by purchasing a cylinder shaped container. Containers with lock style lids work best. Air-tight sealed containers work amazing as well. (Such containers can be found at department stores, kitchen stores, and online.) Also, use the traditional roll of paper towel cut to half the length, or purchase baby-size wash cloths. 
  
In container of choice mix 2 to 3 Tbsp of baby wash with 1 Tbsp of baby lotion. (Choose a lotion with aloe vera or substitute with baby oil.) Stir in two cups of hot, but not boiling water and mix well. Finally add the secret “magic” ingredient, Vitamin E oil to heal and protect baby's skin. A teaspoon or two is plenty and more can be added in the event of diaper rash. (Vitamin E also comes in a chap stick tube that can be applied to all areas of baby's skin including chapped lips, chin, neck, rough knees and diaper rash- best of all, it is an 100% natural healer!)


With the mixture prepared add the wash cloths, close lid tightly and gently roll to completely saturate the cloths. Enough “wipes” should be added to absorb most of the solution. When all the home made wipes are soiled (which won't be long with baby's waste habits) they can be washed in hot water and reused, thus saving money and reducing paper waste. 


There are additional positives to using home made wipes over store bought including the endless possibilities. Recipes like the one above can be added to or altered to fit each baby's needs. Solutions can be customized for sensitive skin or for yeast prone skin, or even just to add a fresh scent. Here is another good tip for when diaper rash rears its ugly head. Run wipe under warm water, rinse out, then apply to skin. This will soothe, calm, clean and begin the healing process without stinging or startling baby's skin. 


The truth comes out. Green parents are doing more than saving a planet. They are finding better ways to make healthier, happier babies (and bottoms!)
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Thanks for sharing, Shirley!  Readers, let us know if you try this out!